So read the message from someone I love. I had been there; hopeless, helpless, without meaning and unsure of each step. I could almost feel the suffering in those words as they stared at me on my computer screen. I could almost remember…
But such is the life lived not in self but in spite of self without realizing who the Creator is. Life is truly a process of creation, not of discovery. We create the ample bosom of suffering at the same time we decry its very existence. We struggle for answers to questions we create without changing the conditions we created along with them. We simply excuse the situations we created and expect them to change themselves. We pity ourselves in morbid fascination with what is not by pretending we are all we can be at any given moment.
I remember once, in a moment of lowness, wondering what would be the best way to end it all. I didn’t believe that anyone would care. I stared at my fingers feeling sorry for them for being mine. I felt so much sorrow that what was the “me” I hated so much actually was “me” that I broke down. I searched in my soul for the answer, I search in my suffering for relief, and when none came I simply thought it best to continue in the suffering. I hated myself so much, I felt so much dislike for who I was that I wanted to continue suffering as punishment. I was not afraid to die, I simply wanted to suffer more than I wished to end it all.
I realize now that I was not “lost”. I was exactly where I needed to be. Even if I had taken my own life I would have been exactly where I needed to be. We all learn the lessons for which we are ready. Yet, in my dismal place I pressed forward because I needed to know “more”. I was not done with my lesson.
I reach out to my loved one and simply say: “To whom do you owe this moment?” You are not discovering that you are “lost” at this moment, you are creating both the feeling of emptiness and the feeling of not knowing where you are. You may blame others. You may blame things beyond your control. My reply is the same no matter who you blame:
“You are not lost, you are exactly where you need to be. Lose the attachment to where you think you should be and you begin the process of creation anew.”
It took me a long, long time to know those words and thereby experience the results. It took some “things” along the way to get me here. I can say with equal confidence that we not only are where we need to be, but we all are given the messages we need to get to there. Just be open to the possibilities. Learn that Higher Vision you have for yourself and create it in the world around you. Be the change you wish to see and you will see the change. I wish you well, and bid you blessings on your journey.
©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ