I hesitate to write what I am feeling. What effects will come of such honesty? A discussion here, a glance there…then it all falls back into place as it is. My world will spin eastward regardless of what I do to change its direction. It’s like I am a hungry soul left to the whims of charity, a charity that gets bored with the effort and moves onto something else. I remain hungry…they feel fulfilled.
There is a lesson here somewhere, the challenge is to find it. To tolerate those who are not tolerant…to show desire where none is shown in return…to feel full when in the midst of a fast. Those seem to be nothing but the introductory classes to a doctorate degree, the scratching of the surface to a bottomless glacier the shavings of which melt too quickly to be noticed. I find the time to find the time but not to do much with it. How sad.
I am just ranting at this point…the frustrations of having to be the yin to the yang…wait, perhaps I am trying too hard to change the yang to be more like the yin. Just let that fucker go…see it float away like a hot air balloon over the horizon. Now that would be an awesome trial. To not need you or your thoughts of me or your thoughts of others. I nearly laugh at the idea not because of its humor but because of its simplicity. How can something so simple be so difficult?
Well, off to keep scratching and hopefully stop caring. Not sure what this does, but certainly sure of what it doesn’t do.
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