For My Sister on My Birthday

I remember the silliness in her voice,
The wonderful innocence in her eyes,
The sweet sound of poetry in her youth,
The pleasant motion in her clumsiness.

I still can see her beautiful imperfections,
Those silent etches that were so a part of me,
Those brilliant moments of sweet unity that arose,
In those trying times of youthful inexperience.

Who could have known then, dear sister,
That today we would hardly know each other,
That after moments of sleeping by a single fan,
Of playing games of fantasy in our lonely desolation,
We would be so close and yet so far?

I remember many of those times,
When you were my partner in crime,
When I was your ringleader, and you were my patsy,
I remember many so many times when we laughed together,
When we cried together,
When we dreamed of what was to be.

I can still see your face when we were still in our single digits,
I can see your face in uncontested joy lit alive by
the beauty you had within.
I close my eyes and you are there, talking to me, being the butt of my jokes,
Of helping me create some moments of pure and tender joy.

I can still remember when you were my “face”,
When we shared punishment that never fit the crime,
When we relied on each other for some relief,
When you sought security behind my back,
When I sought approval in being your protector.

You will always be my sister,
And today on the anniversary of my birth, I will see you singing
“Happy Birthday” to me once again,
As I close my eyes and pray to see it once again,
And though our paths have parted for reasons still not clear to these aging eyes,
I can say that the love I felt in times gone past has never faded
Despite what words have been said and which sides have been chosen,
I will always be your older brother.

I do cry those silent tears of loss and insecurity,
As I am not sure what walls have been built and why.
Yet I am sure as I can see beyond that wall within my heart,
That it is as impermanent as the hands that built it strong,
And can only pray that I survive that final brick’s demise.

Peace and love to you…