Imagine the sun did not rise. The darkness of night remained and chill of the evening air defined the utter darkness. Which part of you would be the one that noticed?We are all stuck in the bleakness of our mind, Replaying the fantasy of a dream created long ago, Resistant to the change that reality has forced upon us, Wondering what we should do when the Earth begins to tremble… Do we cater to the illusion or embrace the truth? Do we hold tightly to that which used to make us who we were, Or do we let go and find the truth that makes us who we are? Ah, the painful decision is one we often run away from. If we love something, do we let it go for its sake? Or do we let it go for our own, since we don’t own it be begin with? Do we grasp at it like children grasping for a dandelion seed Finally freed from its parental grasp?
I do not ask to be anonymous, I ask to be special. I want you to want me, to hold me, to need me and to love me. I want you to lust for me, desire me, crave me and no other.Like a caged bird I longed for your reaction. Trained to be a parody of my Self as I react to your every whim. I want to be wrapped up in you, so much so that I lost who I am, “You are lost,” said the Sea to the Fish. “I am drowning,” I replied. I needed the water so much I forgot how to swim. I so worried about the inhalation that I forgot how to breathe. So the Fish drowned in the Sea without even realizing it.
I have lived without ever knowing it. I have been dreaming but now feel awake. What I thought was light was nothing but darkness disguised by my own desire; my own beliefs of what I thought was “me.”The little boy huddled in the corner of the room longed for this day. He suffered, and in some ways died, for this moment of Resurrection. He could hear his own screams in the night and feel the tears stream down his face, In most ways he was more awake than the man he gave way to. The man insulted this boy’s suffering, pissed on his endurance and shackled his spirit. The boy had endured so much for the man, and the man threw away the lessons and trampled on his memory. He walked about blindly did the man, while the boy screamed “who the fuck do you think you are?” “I am you my son,” even as the boy replied “you are nothing like me.”
I have climbed the tree, and I have set myself. I am ready to change and to fly. I am seeking Love rather than the self that once defined me.I could feel the cocoon restraining me. I would cry out in the night and beg for an end to the pain. I would curse the fucker who beat me, so punish the menace who threatened me, and seek out the Executioner dressed as someone who loved me. Fuck them all before they fuck me. The cocoon would not give way, the Universe demanded more of me than I ever thought I could give, Now I see Her, the Future, the Unknown, And I try to reach out my hand to her in unbridled loving passion Only to be restrained in the prison of my mind. “You are not ready yet, you still seek to live on bread alone” came the answer. “When you know the Truth you shall be free, and She will be waiting for you.” I close my eyes and bow my head, and seek the silence that calms my weary mind. And find the patience that will see me through the darkness.
Alas, my son, a Butterfly will appear. You will spread your wings and fly and know yourself as if for the very first time. You will never seek, but you will find. You will not want, but will have more than you could have ever imagined. You will spread a smile by your appearance and give joy just by being who you are. It will come, you just need to be patient.Suffering has brought you to a place where survival was not assured. Love will bring you from it to a place where survival is all but guaranteed. Be still, and know that it is coming! Be silent, and have all that you will ever need. For soon you shall be who you were always, Before the ideas of the mind crept in. Then She will come, And you will know Her, and know that you are there. The embrace you feel will be unlike any other, the kiss you share will light up the world. So be patient, and rejoice! For the end is near so that the beginning can be born, What you knew will disappear and what you know will be all that remains. Smile…simply smile.