I haven’t felt a beautiful poem in ages All I’ve felt Is judgement Rejection Denial. I look at my wings And am consumed in sadness They have not been spread in a hundred years My heart aches My eyes well up in tortured agony. I tried Lord knows I’ve tried But I was not good enough She who helped me fly Has only tied me to this tortured place. I failed Lord knows I’ve failed I was not strong enough “Bullshit” I say I had strength enough for the two of us. I look up to the Heavens My halo dimmed By the clouded sense of memory I let loose My tears falling like rain to the ground below. I sit perched upon the Mountaintop Viewing the flooded valleys Filled by my lament The bright-lit edges of the clouds blinding my eyes The rays of hope highlighting the darkest clouds. I stare at the place Where she once sat Alone I caress the hardened sand It moves and returns to dust Just as all things I once loved. I look up to the Heavens and shout “Take me, I have nothing left to prove!” A ray of light shines down upon my face And I laugh through those tears of tortured memory Knowing that this is exactly what is left for me to do. Have nothing to left to prove. Have nothing left to need. Have nothing left to seek. God, I am so far from that place As I sit in a huddled mess wishing she were here. So I stand, and walk to the fragile cliff I gaze at the jagged rocks far below And then to the Heavens far above And I realize I must fall in order to fly I must hit the ground in order to reach the sky. Will these wings take me Home? I fear not, but I know not All I know is that I must try They must reach out and grab the air They must breathe in a rush of destiny. For now I just stare at this mighty cause As I look back to that place Somewhat hoping that she’d return It’s the uncertainty that binds me to this prison And a feeling that is begging me to stay. I know I need to know before I go This is where I am until I am here no longer Fuck, what part of me asked for this dilemma? The part of me that loves, that’s who The part of me that had never known such joy. So I sigh. So I pray. So I return and sit at this flimsy throne. I cannot help who I am I can only be the best version of it. I can do better I know I can. I can make you laugh Make you sing to the Universe sings your tune I can love you. I can let go I know I can. I can make you smile While you hum the tune of love You taught me not so long ago. I can change I know I can. I can be the man you said you loved While being the dream that makes you happy If only you would give me such a chance. I can…I can… I fucking know I can I shout to all who will listen Until even the birds above Laugh at my stupidity. I fall to my knees My hands shoulder the weight of my aching head As tears stain the ground And shouts cascade through the air around me All I need is one, simple, loving touch. Absence Silence Ignorance Just bullshit games and empty words I understand…I laugh at the premise. In the confusion that is change The mightiest of oaks split The temples are destroyed The ground shakes and the mountains die It’s only confusing to the mind that is not made to understand it. What is next I wonder? I feel her coming to me, I need to be clear This will not work and either will the alternative But one must be the path I choose As I stumble to the cliff. I am strong Much stronger than this Some voice says to me in unchained defiance. I have faced worse and fought I have suffered more and survived Fuck this shit, I am MAN. Chuckle now… I am but a boy Lost in her arms, I have felt such greatness It’s when she let go that I forgot who I was and thus began the stumble to this cliff. Come back! I shout Stop being this and go back to that Which version is the you you know in your finest hour? Stop lying, and return Stop lying, and just go Whichever, just show me what is truth. I feel a familiar touch upon my wings… So I sit, so I stare. It’s all I know I can do.