State of Confusion

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
From the tired mind:
 
I know I am not worth it
You have better things to do
Better people to struggle with
Or to not struggle at all.
 
This is just too much
For love is a fleeting thing
Like a butterfly that has tired of a flower
Or a bird scared from its perch.
 
The song stops
The sun sets
The leaves change and wilt away
And to dust we all return.
 
Yet the glow of knowing I am better than this
And deserve more
Should get more
Permeates this tired mind.
 
I know I will do the work
And cross the finish line with or without her
Her loss if she goes
Her loss if she walks away.
 
I don’t need to beg
Or to get her friends’ permission
To be who I am
When she looks into my eyes and sees the truth.
 
No, I just need to keep loving
And this fear will end soon enough
If she goes, she goes
The void will remind me of where she once resided.
 
Yes, I love her
And her rejection stings me to my bones
Yes I need her
And her lack of need in me has taken me apart.
 
From the unsure heart:
 
You are destined to be alone
And to have your unworthiness proven
For someone you valued beyond words
Has turned her back and walked away.
 
Gone
It’s just too much for her to bear
The cross too heavy has splintered on the ground
Where she dropped it, unforgiving in the end.
 
You deserve this
You have always deserved this
Each scar upon your aging skin
A reminder of just what you deserve.
 
Grow cold, my friend
For better to be a stone weathered by the sand
Than an Angel drowning in the sea
Whose wings were clipped by an arrow shot long ago.
 
But wait, you don’t deserve this
You deserve compassion and acceptance
As you work to end the pain
And heal the wounds you never created.
 
You should feel unrestrained love
As you give of yourself in the midst of uncertainty 
She should be extending her hand in love
Not rejecting yours in the anger that feeds your reaction.
 
Hold true, it’s coming
You future is upon you now
Your love will be rewarded
And your past will fade into a distant memory.
 
To that little boy:
 
Do not be sorry
But allow me to love you
Now…then…beyond these tears
As we go back in time to heal the present.
 
Do not feel guilty
For the pain you have endured 
Is not that cause of the pain this man feels
It is necessary on the pathway to greatness.
 
She left him
As he struggled to heal the wounds
Caused by those who should own the agony
As he leaves it all behind.
 
You are perfect
My little me…perfect beyond words
Endure, be strong, you are loved
Even if not by the object of your affection.
 
Do not take ownership of what they do to you
Or what they show you
Let them keep the pain all upon themselves
As you move into the world beyond their hell.
 
To the knowing Soul:
 
Heal me, and make it right
Allow the light to enter
Right where that bandaged place resides
And let it shine beyond.
 
Let this pain subside
So that I can feel the rightness
Out of the wrongness
And know that I am real.
 
And worthy.
 
And loved.
 
And love.
 
Give me strength to accept another
And lose memory of the love lost forever
Let the sting of rejection heal
And the passion once again return to these weary bones.
 
φ
photo by: DominusVobiscum