That Part of Me

 
Who was this man
Weakened by need
Countenanced by desire 
Who gave himself to the cloudless sky?
 
Ready to give
Wanting to take
But left in an unfamiliar place
Where pain was the only remedy.
 
So I pick myself up
Dust the few trails of dust and blood from my thighs
And look you straight in the eye
And say “You don’t own me.”
 
Remember when I cared
When I gave you all that I could give?
Gone are the days of that unselfish melody
Replaced instead by the calm demeanor of the Beast within.
 
The parts that you have never seen
The silence in the mist of who I am
The distance I can create with just a slight sweep of my hand
Or the subtle meaning of my words.
 
That part of me you have never seen
The one that trusts only in the fact that I cannot trust a thing
Who pretends so well to honor the notion of this thing called “faith”
While knowing it only exists in the fool’s mind.
 
That part of me who will die
Rather than give in to the folly of the heart
Who knows better, who has seen such truths revealed
In the constant battle of love and fear.
 
That part of me who kill
Rather than be eaten alive
By the very nature of his want to be wanted
Or his need to be needed.
 
That strong, silent fire that burns within me
Speaking to me with every crackle of the flame
This man does not lie in wait for the pain to come
No, I seek it out and destroys it first.
 
I am no longer that boy, waiting for the injury
Praying for a God who never answered
Seeking peace that never came
Laying helpless in the darkened corner of my room.
 
I am this man, standing strong upon my own two feet
Seeking an end to the stupidity
That pits him as second best to any other 
Or deserved of any place but at the summit of the mountain.
 
Put me anywhere else is to defile me
Place me beneath and see my hand break through the surface
Put your foot on my throat and feel it being torn from your ankle
Take your best shot and find it isn’t nearly good enough.
 
Such strength in knowing who I am
And although lost once I am surely found 
In the silence of the lamb led casually to slaughter
I stand now a man afraid of nothing and ready to stand alone.
 
As I carve the moment into memory
and cut the scene proud into my own arm
Remember the strength compared to the great weakness
And hold your own when the sun pretends to shine.
 
Do not give in to the moments that will lead you to this one
Remember what you have been shown
What you have been taught by the Teacher of them all
and do not cave to the whims of a heart left lonely for more.
 
Just remember and hear
Hear the voices that remind you
But stay silent in their song
Do not share the unholy psalm.
 
Stay quiet my friend and bear the burden upon yourself
Let it go, let it in
And then let it fuel the fire you stoke within
Let it burn bright and hot and may it never dim.
 
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