I Am Home

Eclipsed? Not totally.What, I wonder, could I have seen to have been left so blind.

We know that we cannot look directly into a solar eclipse as it will render us blind. That’s how I feel now looking back at my period of blindness and insanity.  I was staring at something so completely unusual that I was blinded by it.  Fear blocked my Sun and, as a result, only allowed me to see Her edges, Her corona, and it blinded me.

The Sun should be left to freely roam across Her lover’s sky.  She should be freely left to follow the laws of a Universe shared by those who love Her.  The mindless fears of man do not change who she is, it changes who man is.  It was me who thought this world was flat and feared to sail to Her in the horizon.  She did nothing.  It was I who believed She would sink beyond my sight into the darkness when it was me, so stuck in the spot of my own creation, who choose not to follow her to keep the mornings close.  She was just being Her, it was me who saw that as something other than what it was.

It has been said that a man is but a sum of all of his experiences.  That is a choice and while it may be hard to make other choices in the throes of conditioning, it is not impossible.  It’s overcoming fear to set sail toward that horizon not just to test your world’s flatness, but to reach a place you want to reach beyond the grip of fear and doubt.  There will be fear in getting there.  There will be doubt.  Yet, when you land on the New World and press your lips to virgin sand you will know the reason you set sail to begin with.  You love Her, you need Her, and you will risk great peril to get to Her.

If you’re lucky She will be shining brightly when you arrive.  She will grasp your face and caress your lips with Her own.  She will not leave you.  She will create winds to press your sails toward your destination.  She will crack through the mightiest of storm clouds to remind you that She is there and exactly what it is you are fighting for.  She will burn your skin and crack your lips and then create the rains that will wash it all away.  She will remind you that you are a man, a fierce and unbeatable man, and you will rise to every occasion just knowing that She is there.  You will growl in Her presence and somehow, in some way, She will bring you to the height of your soul and show you a view that proves you that you are alive.

When you truly love a woman you will face your demons and even yourself.  You will find those parts of you that darken the skies and cause you to shut your eyes and you will defeat them.  You will beat back the winds and the rain.  You will stand taller even in the throes of weakness.  You will fall, pick yourself up, wipe the blood from your brow and sweat from your eyes.  You will growl again and keep on coming for more.  The fire in your heart will drive you forward, toward that horizon where your Lover sits and begs you onward.

Now, I will close my eyes and sit in stillness and know the truth.  I will feel the heat rise up into my crown and be ready to share it with Her.  Feel it baby, and know it where you sit.  Do not let go of it, and hold it tightly to your breast and let it consume you.  Your man is here.  Your man is back, and he has found the world that you have shown him to be as you said it was.  He will be that man you can’t take your eyes of off.  He will be that man that makes you sweat at the slightest touch.  He will be that man who so captures your gaze and steals your imagination.  Yeah, I am home.

photo by: James Jordan