“When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future.” ~Jarod Kintz.
As the year draws to an end, I sit alone. The darkness of my apartment contrasts nicely with the light that is in my heart. Even as I sit alone I am not alone, my Lover is with me. In a wild paradox of pain and joy I both miss her and have her, I am both lacking and satisfied as the love of my life is elsewhere while the love of my heart burns brightly in the night.
I close my eyes and invite the stillness that surrounds this space into me. As I breathe I begin to feel her close to me. It is as it always has been in our time apart as she is never far from me. Our souls merged the moment I first laid my eyes upon her, and even as our minds have done their work I can always find her in my stillness. She is there, and I can feel her hand slowly reach for mine, our intertwined fingers forming one firm and unbreakable bond. As I inhale I feel her head lightly land on my shoulder. Her soft hand caresses my cheek and turns my head towards hers causing me to exhale every bit of sadness and tension from my body.
We kiss, sharing breaths as we remind each other of the magic of such moments. I can hear her sigh slightly as my free hand reaches for her, and as our lips part she looks deeply into my eyes as my heart sings out happily to the Universe. This is love, this is what we were born for, and this is what we do. I can feel my world unravel and turn into mist as her lips steal my breath and her essence drives my beating heart.
A tear trickles down my cheek as my eyes open and my breath deepens. Gone are the beautiful green eyes that freeze my senses. Gone is the reddish tint to her hair and fullness of her lips that remind me I am a man, her man. Gone is the softness of her touch, and the sweetness of her voice that so inspires me to greatness. They are here, within me, but they are also a thousand miles away in a place I am not.
It has been way too long since I’ve seen her and felt her in my arms and I miss her. She may never realize the awe inspired within me simply by being in her presence. She may never realize the beauty I see in those eyes, or the song I hear in her heartbeat, or the completeness my soul feels when I am just near her. I can handle these moments apart as they are part of the experience, but I will forever miss her when she is away, and I will forever find joy just in having her rest her head on my chest and in the scent of her hair that seems to suggest that I am home. The separation feels like I’ve fallen on millions of pieces of broken glass, but I accept the feeling as it is even as I struggle with it at times. I accept the struggle as highlighting the beauty of our moments together. I’ve gladly chosen this life with her, and given the alternative would never trade the million shards of glass for a second away from her.
I smile as I return to that still place where I always find her. I just sit there with her, no words are spoken and none are needed. I can hear her breaths mirror my own, and I can sense the very essence of her being surround my head, my heart and my entire Being. This place is only second to that place where her body is, where the visions of my Soul are matched by the sight my eyes behold. Some may call this place insanity, but I call that place outside of here crazy. That’s where the mind reigns and the ego directs the play. Here, in this place we share, we echo a Divinity only known by Lovers aware not only of their love, but also of who they are. We sit there in perfect company, where Heaven meets the mind’s eye in blissful, Soulful awareness.
She turns to me and in my soul I hear her voice. “Where are you my love? I need you baby. Please come to me.”
I look at her with a resolve and a promise in my Being and respond with a simple but powerful oath. “I hear you my love. I am coming. Wait for me.”
In an impulse that can only be described as holy, I find myself a thousand miles away from my aloneness without a plan, without a map, and with only a voice in my soul to guide me. I have no idea where she is, but I know I will find her. I’ve always found her, and she’s always found me. Tonight, on the night this year ends and another begins, will be no different. I will find her and she will be waiting for me. I will reach out and she will respond. I will call her name and she will answer.
“I am coming baby. Please wait for me.”
I am guided to a place where I can hear music through the silent, still and frigid air that surrounds me. I see my breath as I labor toward the entrance. I can feel her in this place, and I know she is here. My body begins to respond to the energy in my Soul as my mind begins to feel her presence in this place. Here, within me, the body, mind and Soul all merge into one joyful, ecstatic state of Being.
I walk in and look around for her. My eyes are drawn immediately to her. She is laughing in the crowd but has a touch of sadness in her smile. I can hear her, “hurry baby. I miss you. I need you. Please, please hurry.”
“I am here my love. Look for me and you will see. I love you.”
At that she looks up and sees me, and I am suddenly aware again of her beauty. She is dressed in that black dress I’ve always wanted to see her in. Her lips full and coated in a shade of red that magnifies the red in her hair and highlights her brilliant green eyes. Her face inspires my Soul to scream and her body inspires the physical reaction to the love I’ve always felt for her.
It had been awhile since I’d seen her, and I began to feel those stirrings in my pants. In that moment when the penis becomes a cock and the tongue begins to throb with the need to pleasure, I wanted her badly. I had been through the mill, wholly of my own making and from the battles within my own mind, but here I was beginning to feel myself again after months of infernal warfare.
Yes, I was beginning to feel myself. I had answered her call, and I had made it to her. The broken promises were behind me and the last shards of poisoned glass were being removed from my soul. The air began to taste like air again, and the light no longer stung my bloodshot eyes. She healed me each time I saw her, and her presence somehow made everything feel right again.
Her Soul again spoke to me. I noticed the curves of her body barely hidden in the dress she was wearing. I felt the way her eyes looked at me as if suggesting my thoughts were being shared word for word in this beauty’s mind. Her full lips glistened in the room’s darkened light and I could almost taste them through the distance that separated our two willing bodies.
My eyes moved downward, studying her neck. Strong, yet feminine, it begged as it always had for my lips, my tongue, my little nibbles. She must have been feeling it too for as my eyes moved downward her nipples were clearly evident through the tightness of her dress. The dress hugged her perfectly and I needed so desperately what was underneath.
We began to walk toward each other. This was not, a meeting of strangers who happened across each other by some mechanism of fate. No, this was a reunion of two old souls who had shared lifetimes together reunited again in this one. We had once both been chasing our tales with other dreams that could not answer the call, and now we simply knew. We belonged to one another through eternity, and eternity belonged to us.
As the ball dropped and the confetti fell, I grabbed her around the waist without a word and kissed her deeply. She kissed me back as I felt her breasts press hard against my chest, my manhood pressing firmly into her. We groaned in unison as we anticipated the end of one year remembered for its hardship for another that was beginning quite the opposite. I could taste the champagne on her tongue as I took her in, and I could smell the desire coming off of her as our bodies began to melt into each other. I wanted her now, and if not for the 100 or so people sharing this room with us I’d be inside her this very minute.
“How did you know?” she asked as my finger silenced her, pressing on her lips.
“No words my love. I heard you and I am here. I love you.”
She grabbed my hand and without a word we were rushing for the door. I said nothing as she pulled me to the elevator, and said nothing as she grabbed my head and kissed me as the door slid closed behind us. I pinned her to the wall as she slid her hand under my jacket and hugged me tightly, pulling me into her as tightly as she could. “Oh God…” was all I could muster as I whispered lightly into her ear, eliciting a shiver that ran down her spine into the deepest parts of her.
“Please make love to me. Fuck me hard, I’ve missed you,” was her reply.
I looked into her eyes and growled with a snarl that betrayed my intention for that night. She loved it, and snarled right back. Soon the ritual would be on, and as the bell rung and the doors slip open we were almost there.
“My room,” she said. “Now.”
I complied, as if I had any choice in the matter. Soon our clothes were tattered piles on the floor and my mouth began to consume her whole.
She wanted me. She needed me. She opened up her world and she was there for me. In return I would give her all I could and not stop until she begged me to. Then, I’d give her more.
She stroked my hardness with the softness of her hand as our kiss continued. I ran my hands firmly down her back and then began to trace the lines of her ass with the tips of my fingers. I could see the effect as her legs began to get restless and her breathing faster. I ran my fingers up her sides, slightly ticking her as I made my way up to her shoulders. She moaned loudly in sheer pleasure when I grabbed her hair and forcibly parted her lips, my mouth beginning to kiss her neck, her shoulders, and the tops of her breasts. I kissed her gently there, allowing my tongue to gently trace the lines of her breasts, following the curves softly until my mouth found her eager nipples.
There she could no longer contain herself. She grabbed my head and forced her nipple into my mouth as her fingers gently squeeze the other. My tongue did its job as I could feel it grow in my mouth as she arched her back into me. I could hear her growl as she pulled at me, forcing my mouth to take more of her in.
“Fuck me baby,” she growled.
“Not yet, I’m not ready,” I lied. My mouth uttered words my body clearly disagreed with.
She whimpered in reply, knowing in her heart how hard this control was for me. I wanted to feel every second with her, and in my own heart I wanted her to remember this night for the rest of her life. She had let me in to her holy place, and I wanted to make this night sacred. I wanted her body throbbing and her breath quickened each and every time the ball dropped and the confetti fell.
I pushed her back on the bed and looked at her in the moonlight for a moment. She looked beautiful, her body perfect in this moment. Her eyes looked into me and something happened. I remembered our first time together, and again I could sense her every need, her every desire, and her every demand. They were no longer in our control, the Divine had taken over.
I leaned in and kissed her tenderly as my finger found its way inside of her. She was wet, her inner thighs soaked as her essence began to soak the sheets beneath her. She inhaled sharply as my finger found its spot and I began to kiss my way downward. I kissed her nipples, her belly, her hands and finally, her thighs. She parted them as my body made its way between them, my tongue taking in the moistness there.
I teased her, licking and kissing each spot except the one she wanted the most. Her whimpers excited me, and when I finally put my tongue there her body writhed and danced in the most perfect of ways. Her back arched as her breasts heaved toward the sky, and her mouth gave birth to the most beautiful sound I could ever imagine.
There I stayed. She tasted so perfect, and my thirst was nearly insatiable. She would grind on my face as I took her in my mouth, working my tongue until she exploded all over me. We’d repeat this dance over and over until she seemed unable to take any more of it. Then, she grabbed my face and pulled it to her own. With great strength she flipped me over, and began kissing me roughly with a desire unequaled.
Her mouth made its was to my cock, still hard from the kiss in the crowded room nearly an hour ago. As she took me in, the moistness of her mouth ran down its length. I thrust my hips upward slightly as her tongue perfectly caressed that spot. It felt as if I was going to burst through my skin, as if every drop of blood in my body was rushing there. My hands grasped at the sheet as her mouth worked my entire length until finally neither of us could take it any more.
She stopped, and began a slow crawl up my body, allowing her nipples to drag up my body until they rested slightly out of reach of my mouth. She held me down, teasing me with my own need to have them in my mouth as the lust in my heart could bear no more. I overpowered her slightly and just enough to meet my need while still giving her control over the rest of me. She knew it, and I knew I would pay for my indiscretion.
Still, she needed it too. I worked my mouth so perfectly on her body. She wanted my inside her, I could feel that familiar cry emanating from within her . She grabbed my cock gently and, as our eyes met, she licked her lips while rubbing her clit with my glans. I could feel her wetness spill out of her as her moans grew louder until, finally, I could feel her entirety surround me.
Slowly she eased me into her. I could feel every inch enter her, and I could feel every cell in my body jump to life in the journey. I wanted to grab her hips and take over, but I couldn’t. Instead, I just kept looking into her eyes until she was full of me and she surrounded me completely. There, our souls touched and our hearts melted into a single puddle where our bodies united. We were one.
There we made love, she grinding her hips into me as I matched her rhythm doing the same. We’d kiss, caress, and move like old flames from the same fire. Nothing was more perfect, nothing more like heaven than this night. In the end we fell into each other, sweaty, exhausted, and appreciating the rising sun as it lit up our space. As we laid there, her head on my chest and my arm holding her securely close to me, we closed our eyes together knowing this moment’s slumber was only a prelude of things to come. Even the most stoic of lovers need to rest. In our case, the rest was only there to allow more love to be made, and made it was to be.
“True love is when they accept your past, bless your present, and believe in your future.” ~Unknown.
I believe baby. I am coming. Please wait for me.