I can’t describe the feeling I get whenever we communicate. Your words pop up on my flat screen and a rush sweeps over me. Your thoughts fill my cup and the world becomes warm to the touch. Your face stares at me from across the universe and distance seems irrelevant. Just knowing you exist beyond the grain of sand that separates us brings an involuntary smile to my face.
What is this? None of it is needed. None of it is asked for. None of it is demanded of me, or necessary for my joy. Yet, there it is, as sure as the new moon rises it is there.
And just as the new moon will rise without my input, without my doing a thing, I plan to allow these feelings to rise effortlessly and naturally. Of course the moon rises in the action of things, so too does love emerge from the hearts of man. Hands are held through spirit creating action. Kisses are shared through the need of a heart to know that feeling over and over again.
True love goes beyond the pleasure of physical encounters and dives deep into the very feelings those encounters reveal. Those feelings are a soulful speech, a knowing that something indescribable exists beyond the flesh. That something is discovered in inexplicable places, in sometimes inconvenient moments, often without warning or fanfare. These wave often come when we aren’t looking for them, or needing them, or even wanting them. We call it “love” because we have no other way to name it, even when the word itself falls far short of an accurate description.
The mind often interferes in the discussion. It argues with the soul, demanding concessions that address the scars and opens wounds it knows through experience. Yet the soul loves on, demanding nothing in return while watching the mind argue, fight, and dance with itself. It embraces the mind, allows it its own insanity, and does nothing. Much like watching the new moon rise.
I wonder though, when do I simply surrender to the language of my soul and confine my mind to watching the new moon rise? When do I simply tell her, “I love you”? When do I truly decide to lay naked and exposed on the floor, fearless in my actions, impeccable in my words? Which parts of the list need be checked off before our human minds can simply express what the soul has always known?
I can’t help but believe she knows. She has too. Yes, a part of me is laughing at that statement. My soul often laughs at my mind. My mind screams, “Go away! I’m busy! Leave me alone.” My soul just laughs and continues sitting, watching, and waiting patiently. It knows…it’s always known.
When I’m sitting in stillness it reminds me in the green-hued light around me. I can see it in the red that leaks through the fingers of my mind. I can feel it in the raised bumps that dominate my skin, and in the powerful cues of the upturned corners of my mouth. So off I go into a great unknown, knowing full well that this feeling need not be received in order to be given. It is what it is besides the human component of soulful speech. The new moon will rise regardless of who pays attention to it, or can see it. See, the soul knows. Yes, it knows. I know. Fuck…
“Happiness is only real when shared” ~Christopher McCandless (Into the Wild)