I wanted to put together some things that happened over the past month in my life. These are things that were said to me, and my responses (or the outcomes) of such things. I find the human experience so freaking remarkable I just have to share some of my own.
I thought you’d be different…
So did I. Yet, I’m not. I’m the same. I don’t feel different, which is likely why you thought I would be. I’m just a man, finding his way, without the need to impress you or seek your approval.
I thought you’d have more passion.
So did I. But I don’t. Sometimes that says all I need to know. I can’t fake it, or manufacture it. It is either there, or it isn’t.
“Sometimes the leaf is unsure if it should go, sometimes the tree has doubt in the release. But the Wind? The Wind always knows…”
You are so disappointing. Thank you for being you (sarcasm).
Awesome. I see I’ve succeeded in not meeting your expectations. After all, I live to meet your standards (equal sarcasm).
See, I can’t fail. I either succeed in not meeting your creation of me, or in meeting that creation. But I do succeed. Always.
You’re a pompous ass.
Thank you. I certainly have lived my life in a vain attempt to garner that judgment.
I’ve found that those who love themselves are often vilified by those who don’t. Therefore, I accept your words and as a compliment. Once, I would have done everything I could to change your mind, to be more like the person you want me to be. Now, I relish whatever description you offer, knowing that it is irrelevant, and a statement of you, not me.
You think you have all of the answers.
I do. Because if I don’t have the answer, there’s Google.
Why do you hate religion so much?
I don’t “hate” religion. I see it in what I consider its proper context. When you’re feeling down, insecure, powerless…when you are in that rut of failing to see your own power in this experience…religion is like a ladder you can use to get out of that rut. It can be a wonderful thing.
What I find disturbing is that once most get to the top of that ladder, they refuse to get off of it!!! Here they can see the wonderful universe around them, but they never get to experience it because they simply hold on to that ladder.
It’s like Moses who was told he would see the promise land but never live in it. You get to the top of your rut, and you see the promised land, but you never live in it. If only you’d step off that damned ladder…
You also give credit to the ladder for getting you where you are. You forget your climbed the damned thing…
You know you are going to hell, right?
I don’t know where I’m going, but I know where I’ve been. I’ve certainly been to hell, and from time-to-time choose to vacation there just for the experience.
“Religion is for people who fear hell, spirituality for those who have already been there.” ~Native American Proverb.
“Dude, do you ever stop thinking?”
No. Even my dreams are thoughts. I had a nightmare once where I thought I couldn’t think anymore…YIKES!
Actually, I feel far more than I think. I trust my feelings far more than my thoughts. My thoughts are collections of the past and hopes for the future. My feelings are translations of the present moment. Thoughts have already happened by the time you think them, feelings are very much happening now.
So, when I say “I think…” I’m usually wrong but when I say “I feel…” I rarely am. At least I think so…
You are a remarkable man, someone I could certainly see myself with.
Um, thank you. I think. I am sure if you get to know me I will fall so far from that bar you set for me that I will (um) succeed in not meeting your expectations. I tried walking on water once, and when I hit the bottom of that sea I nearly drowned. So, I tend to focus on my own experience of floating on water and not so much the expectation that I can walk on it.
I may not get to the beach dry when I swim, but I do get there.
I will always be your friend, regardless of what happens between us.
That was stated by someone who then stopped being my friend when romance became out of the question for me. Oaths are, often, nothing more than pleas for something else. I can’t lie, either in my words or my deeds, so I only wish you well when what you say doesn’t always translate into what you do.
I will, however, always take you at your word until, of course, your actions state otherwise.
Enjoy the full moon!
Well, that certainly answers a lot. I need it to end so I can get some sleep… 🙂