As originally published on Elephant Journal, a nighttime remembrance of some things past…
I stumbled alone. I fell alone. I picked myself up alone and I suffered in complete silence. I could not let you know how much I missed you, how strongly I held onto the ideal that true love would always win and that when I could finally stand on my own again I’d see you standing there through the mist of shattered waves.
True love surely won the day and I stand here alone with memories crowding the broken night in which a dream reminded me of a smile, of a laugh, of a once-certain destiny. I’ve awoken to the truth of your haunted disappointment—in my blindness you were all I could see, but in my sight you had all but disappeared. In my sleep you are real, but in my reality you are nothing but a distant memory.
I miss him so much. He turned to a man. After 24 years.