At what price to be paid
For such whimsical thoughts indeed.
You reach for my legs
Limbs spent just to hold me down
If but for a second more,
to be tied to this place forevermore.
You bear down on my shoulders,
As if to keep me down,
But if to just let go for a seconds release,
And give pause to those things of mind.
Ah to be…
The more I struggle the more I see,
That I am fighting all that’s me.
What is different about this day
That is different from all the rest?
The heat of the sun?
No – the sun has been this warm before.
The relief of the breeze as it blows strongly on my face?
No – my skin has tasted this breeze before.
The speed by which time passes by?
No – I have forgotten seconds often in my life.
Perhaps all that has changed is that this is
Not yesterday, or tomorrow,
But this day
Full of promise – full of the truth that this moment
Provides in it’s certainty.
Perhaps it is that I do not take this moment for granted,
That I can hear the birds sing, and the silence that allows it to be.
Perhaps I can see the day in all it’s glory,
And the darkness that gives the day its birth.
Perhaps it is that I can feel this moment, and know that it holds me
in its grasp,
And I know that I am right where I belong.
What will honesty do for those who wish for it?
The darkness in a soul-
Does it become light?
Does the avenue of things change
as the path of all that will be is left at the beginning?
I long to see that light-
To bask in the glow of honesty,
To feel both its warmth and its chill
And to never hide again.
You can accept me for how I am
How I feel-
You will get your fill of all that I am.
An ocean spray of misery
The force of nature found in me
Cannot take hold endlessly
As your love uncovers all of me.
Time can wither all around
Soften even the harshest sound
These waves they come and wear me down
If I could only leave the ground.
Fly high above my human chains
Find trust the thinner air regains
A gift to you to end the pains
A love we share that never wanes.
For this time – I thank you
I shudder to think of what this life would be like
Without you in it – holding it together.
I open my soul in my words
and present them as a gift to you
A lesson not in what could be-
But what is.
In these words you will see
Truth – the better part of me,
As if this soul has taken form
It becomes the which you know.
What we cannot regain,
We must only strive to forget,
For you cannot turn back the hands of time,
Nor can move that which is set.
And when you dangle on death’s open ledge,
Do you turn away the hand that you bid no friend?
Do you hold against that hand a past misery?
And watch it fade as you fall to end?
It could be simply put,
That the hand that whipped with no normalcy,
The hand that held to keep me down,
Is the hand that also set me free.
Last night I had a dream.
We were singing and laughing and playing and talking,
Just like we used to.
We were special, we were together, just like we were so long ago.
A special feeling came over me, just like it used to when we were together.
I realized that although I wasn’t always aware of this feeling,
It was always there in our moments together.
I awoke, and I realized that you were gone.
You had left us and moved on, and a wave of sadness fell over me.
I cried, as I had rarely cried before, for I had lost a piece of me.
And then I realized something…
That special feeling was still there, like a warm light it calmed me.
I smiled through my tears, and reached out for you in my heart.
I felt you, I touched you, and the songs and the joy and the memories returned, just liked they used to be.
I also realized that you may have left us as we are,
But you never really left us at all. You are right were you are supposed to be.
And while I have lost you in this world, I have found you in my heart,
and there is no better place for either of us to be.
In time we may meet again, and we will laugh and sing just as we are this very moment.
We will talk and I will thank you for this gift.
The gift of seeing each moment I share with those I love just a bit clearer,
Of cherishing those moments just a bit more.
Of listening to the songs of my children just a bit more intently,
Of holding the love I have inside of me just a little less tightly, and in enjoying
those moments of silence where my heart can feel it all over again.
Check out the clouds right above the houses…pretty need bit of turbulence.
Don’t surrender your loneliness
Let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My need of God