I heard that you loved me, It may have come from the whisper in my ear, As you spread your breath throughout the Universe, Kept me spellbound with the comma that you used. I heard that you loved me, It may have come from a word or two you've written, As the ink you poured from your soul, Streaked upon the stained paper of my mind. I heard that you loved me, It didn't come from what you've done, In your absence I only heard your fear, As you fought one destiny with the sword of another. Because though I heard you loved me, My reality is different from that dream. As I lay my head to rest in the the pasture, I only share myself with blades of grass that save me from the grave. Yes, I heard that you loved me, Perhaps it was an echo from some oath once spoken in a cave, Or some twinkle from a star burned out so many years ago, A man wobbled in his humanity, seeking balance in the shade. For I lived when I heard that you have loved me, And died in the moment written by an empty, outstretched hand, No more to call your name for now I am shouting against the wind, Deafness comes especially harsh to those who wish to hear. Now, I heard that you love me, With every crunching of the stones beneath my feet, As I head west, and you stay east, The Sun now setting, but it surely will rise again.
I want to love you.
I want to take your face in my hands, and breathe life into your soul. There are no options to this desire, my back us up against the raging sea and survival depends upon that single kiss. Hear me, and feel me in the truth you know so well.
I want to hold you steady when the gales rage and the rains beat down hard upon our space. We will leave our footprints in the mud, and laugh as we slide our way forward, tracing those lines only we can see, painted upon the stained flesh our dirty dance has created.
I want to carry you when you simply wish to know you can be carried, when you wish to be certain that the whispers that you hear in our dance are truth against loud voices in your head. We will create a new truth, one built firmly in the stones we lay against the hard backdrop of the life we’ve lived, until those voices become muted in the harmonic chorus of our lives.
These are the things I wish to do, I just ask that you arrive. I ask that the misty visions that you are become real touches in the Sunrise, and that the dreams of sounds I hear become your voice as we play our daily ritual. I ask you for your truth, for your courage, and for the essence of who you are as you make your way through the miles you must travel.
I want to love you.
I want to walk with you enjoying the silence of the snow, and singing with the sweet music of the flowing spring streams. I want us to watch the winter drip slowly from the green pines that line the earthen paths along our way. I want to lay with you under the Harvest Moon, and make love to you as the spring moon rises. I want you to announce your arrival with a gasp, and then a moan, and then the sweet call of ecstasy.
I want so much from you, but that is nothing compared to what I am wanting to give to you. I want to love you, and with that I want to give you all I am.
I’ve been thinking about you.
Good thoughts. Thoughts about the way your words cascade down my spine in little waves of something. Thoughts about the way your eyes can penetrate even the thickest walls I’ve constructed along the pathway of this life. The way the thoughts you share settle in the depths of my heart, filtering down the heavy grime and leaving the waters of my soul crystal clear.
I’ve been thinking about you.
Good thoughts. Thoughts about the way your hair frames your face, and the way your lips curl when you smile. The way you look when you offer that mischievous grin, the one that sets my body in its sacred motion. Thoughts about your thoughts, and dreams about your dreams.
Yes, I’ve been thinking about you.
Good thoughts. Thoughts about how good it would feel to hold your hand, and to hear you sing when you think no one is listening. Thoughts that carry with them little imaginations of something neither of us has found, yet both of us are looking for. Thoughts that tell me who you are, even when my mind is riddled with doubt that you truly exist, that you are something other than a figment of my desire.
In a world that is fraught with danger and the evil that men shall do, I think of you.
Good thoughts, and suddenly the world seems a pretty good place to be. After all, if I have a chance to hold your hand, kiss your lips, and hear you sing nothing could be bad. If, in time, I can look back upon the happy, muddy trail that I have walked and see your footprints there, somewhere next to mine, I will have lived for something special. If not, then I surely must live again to see the dream real, and to have it realized as the summer Sun dawns upon a day of our choosing.
And what a good thought that is. <3
To dive deep, So deep you are dying, Is to find that you never needed the surface, Or the shore, To truly be alive. We've all been drowning, Our heads held down in the depths, Struggling, fighting for the air we think we need, Lost in unconsciousness, The dream is dying in our darkness. Then we can awaken, Realizing that breath was just a fallacy, That rebirth was the only way, Resurrection is not rising from the dead, Instead, it is life itself that never ends. Rebirth is the only way, To realize you were never born at all, But in your own moment of conception, You became a dream shared by the countless who came before you, A shared lie that somehow we are special in our separateness. The idea of man, that he is but a man, The ideas of man, that it is all but living, We flounder in our forgetfulness and accept our mediocrity, Without ever knowing this is but an agreement we have made, With those who have accepted these things before us. Behold, though, the love you feel, That not-so-subtle reminder, That you know a soul somehow, In a moment's wispy spark, You see what is and what was in a flash. What you feel, unknowing seer of the unseen, Is a Universe igniting, The flash, a beginning of something that has no ending, The spark, a light of something that knows no darkness, The emptiness recognizes itself in abundance. So, be patient with me as I pause in wonder, As I bend to inhale your fragrance, Without ever disturbing a petal or your stem, allowing Nature to do Her thing, I smile in the memory, I could not smell a thing as I was drowning. Acidic is the water as it fills your nostrils, The sting forever echoing in your mind, as you succumb to the silence, Only broken by the sound of your heart beating, Breaking, falling in shards to the bottom of the sea, Scattered about by the currents all around you. The flower...I wish to smell the flower... I wish to dance in the fields once again, Climb the hills and stand on top once again, That view, seeing as far as my eyes will see, If only I could inhale that air once again. Awakened suddenly, I gasp at abundant air, The scent of renewal fills my soul, The fragrance of realization guides me to my stillest place. My heart races in the endeavor, My mind quiets at my holy command. And I see...with my eyes now shut, I can feel her all around me, Her whispers in my ear raising bumps on my skin, Her soft touches bringing my soul to full attention, Her presence filling my body as I inhale all that she is. I realize she is not just the flesh, But a memory...a reminder of who I am when I am awakened, Of a soul shared before the moment I conceived of myself, The moment I felt fractured from who I am, When I was born, the best of me forgotten in their lessons. I realize she is also the flesh, The curves of her body call to me, The subtle was her lips move when she speaks torture my veiled manhood, My heartbeat rises in tune with the rest of me, My nerves on fire as my soul begs for the reunion. What is one cannot be denied, yet what separates us cannot surrender. I enter what surrounds me, our breath joins in the ether. Upon this altar we have gained eternity, yet in this moment of reflection, We may lose heaven, be cast from the Garden forevermore, To roam aimlessly through the deserts of our lives. As the sands scorch my feet, I remember... The cold chill of my ocean, And as I struggle for air in my effort, I remember when there was no air to be had at all, And I smile, For the sweat that flows from my skin will not kill me. I have already died, some would say, And been reborn, Reborn to love her, reborn to love the ocean And the desert, and everywhere in between. Yet, I've been picking at the blisters on my feet, Wondering where the hell I put my shoes. Through the blistering sands we've walked, And the crushing depths for which we, the intrepid, have nearly drowned, We stand tall, and ready for the storm, Not as fodder for the winds to topple, But as warriors who have slain the mighty beasts within. Goodnight, to the dreams we go oft repeated in our slumber, Awakened souls yet prone to the human need for sleep, Gone forever to pass the night alone to another, To discover the wicked, wandering flight we often sail alone, Yet to never lose a moment's passing thought of our certain crashing. A crumbled mess we'll be, Laughing in our misfortune, gazing at the stars together, Hearing distant drums beat in the glow of an evening fire, And we'll turn to each other in surprising synchronicity, Sleeping, drowning, burning souls no more.
When the world has forsaken you, I will be here, strong. When the ocean's waves become too strong, I will carry you to shore. When the driving rains become too much for you to bear, I will shelter you. When the only thing you hear is the echo of your own heartbeat, I will be there to hold your hand. For I am your friend, and I love you. When the night sky is all you see, I will point you in the Sun's direction. When the blinding rays blind you from reality, I will shield you from the light. When the evening chill causes your soul to shake, I will warm you with all that I am. When doubts and uncertainty cause your ground to shake, I will guide you to solid ground. For I am your friend, and I love you. When you feel all alone and the beasts howl all around, I will hold the torch beside you. When the stones begin to fly and the blood begins to flow, I will plant my feet beside you. When the angels flee and the demons come, I will endure, and never leave your side. When the tears flow down your beautiful face, We will shed them together, you and I. For I am your friend, and I love you.
From where I stand, You're beautiful, Like in the way The yellow poplars bloom, Or the freshwater pearls shine in the early morning sun, Or the goldenrod sway in the light spring breeze along a shimmering stream. From where I sleep, You're beautiful, Like in the way The blue moon lights your path, Or the cardinals sing to announce your arrival, Or the viceroys are born to dance about the fields where you play. From where I am, You're beautiful, Please don't change a thing, Live your life so beautifully, Test your dreams by putting your toes lightly in the water, Then jump, and let's swim in joy together, And dance to the sound of the dulcimer. Because... You're beautiful... Not out there like a star to be admired, Or some flower to be picked, But within me where you are, forever... Where you are free to know... You're beautiful.
I heard you angry, I heard you sad, I heard you curse me, I heard you had. I heard your promises, I heard you sigh, I heard the whispers, I heard you lie. In the moments, We all despise, We either drown, Or we rise. I heard you gasp, The surface cracked, But in the end, The will had lacked. So off we go, To the great beyond, The roughest seas, In the smallest pond. A rotted seed, That cannot grow, Will surely die, In the summer snow. I heard you say, All wounds mend, I heard you swear, There'd be no end. I heard your laughter, The stories told, I heard deceit, The truth behold. I heard you breathe, The Sun did rise, I heard you question, Your own disguise. I heard time stop, In pools of blue, Believe me dear, I heard you.
Cradled there, parts denied, Parts that fade as I have died, The liar's echoes always rang, From the window where I now hang... Poisoned air, cannot breathe, Lost in darkness as I grieve, I try to play the part you crave, As I lie in alone my own grave... Summer came, winter soon, An angel's shadow by the Moon, I lie naked in the snow, Wanting things you'll never know... Finally done, the wounded numb, Searching for the peace to come, Will you live to rue or to rejoice, That you failed to call, to hear my voice? Sunny day, joyful room, I'll be forgotten as flowers bloom, Somewhat lost in my disguise, Are my own forgotten, tearful eyes. With some dismay, it's time to say, Goodbye, I walk away, Forget the song, the road too long, I'm lost in what is right and wrong... So take care, no need to stare, I've found the thinnest, freshest air, Tonight forever joined to me, In tomorrow's destiny...
I walked into a cemetery this morning. There, scattered about the balls of dandelion seeds and neatly trimmed grass, where the remnants of lives once lived and dreams once dreamt. I wondered about those dreams, and the loss that each of these names must have felt as those moments shattered like fragile glass. I wondered about the suffering and pain each must have felt in their life, and perhaps even in their death. I wondered about the moments when the tears of both laughter and remorse, of both happiness and sorrow, ran free down the faces of those of whom I now kept sacred company.
I see littered about me the names of husbands and wives laying in eternal togetherness. I see the names of mothers and their sons, of fathers and their daughters. I see the dates marking the beginning and the end of what once was. I see the faded remnants of those who lived so long ago, and the deeply carved names etched in shiny stone of those who may have walked this ground not too long ago.
I wonder then when it will be my turn. What will my stone say? What name will be stamped next to my own, and what story will it tell? To whom will I lay next to, eternally embraced in our own, sleepy romance? The world is but a cruel place, and perhaps there will be peace when I am finally able to let everything be put to rest.
I have searched so long for some meaning in the journey between the dates that will be stamped upon my marker. A place like this seems like home. To the man who seems so found when he is lost, and so lost when he is found, there is no better place to realize the short time he has remaining. I wonder when the sound of the stones crunching beneath my feet will go silent, and when the morning Sun will shine beyond my ability to see it. I wonder when both night and day will look the same, and when the tears will fade to nothing but a distant memory, and I wonder if I will have nothing but dirt and worms by my side.
When it was time for me to go, I said a silent goodbye to my new teachers, to those who have come before me. I bend to touch the stone of one who was but a child. I am unsure if he is lucky or unfortunate, but I utter some quiet words of hope that he was somewhere in between. We are all, it seems, somewhere in between.