Today, I admit I love you. In that love I feel sadness, and in that sadness I feel love.
No bullshit. I love you with all my heart and I always will.
I can feel it most in my aloneness, when there is nothing left to distract me. Perhaps that is why I seek out distractions. Distractions allow me an escape from the ache of missing you.
I’ve accepted my place in your life as I’ve accepted your place in mine. I will always strive to grow and become a better man in honor of the times I’ve failed you.
Now, I bend my knee in thanks that I will forever be a man better than I was but never as good as I will be. That’s what love does, and that is what Being in love can create.
Transformation.
I may never kiss your lips again. Your shoulder may never again find its way on my chest. Yet I will rise knowing I love you, and vow today to further rid myself of the demons that drove us apart. My body will get stronger and my mind more resolved to its mission as my heart opens further to accept the gifts that life has offered. If I seek to change I must do so in love even if the beast growls its song of survival.
You may not be beside me in my final moments but be sure of this. I will etch your name on that last heart beat, and your name will be echoing in my eternity.I admit I love you in every ray of love that shines from within me.
Today I wander in love not to be lost in the sadness of your absence, but to be found in the truth of what will always be.