My Addiction

I close my eyes…
Stillness…
Gone to shelter is the storm
Hiding from my Truth
Knowing it is a part of me.
 
I sense Her…
Love…
Flowing into me like a mountain stream
Protecting my insecurity
Holding me closely in the throes of withdrawal.
 
It’s my addiction
These Ups and Downs
These Ebbs and Flows
Will I ever release their hold on me?
Who knows?
For now I’ll thank them for their assistance.
 
I hold my mantra…
Clarity…
I focus on the candle, not the flame
Wretched thing this mind
I am both the creation and the Creator.
 
I plant the seed…
Impatient…
Too often wanting to change the sapling to a tree
Wanting you to be more than you desire
Wishing and hoping that you will see.
 
This is my addiction…
These Ups and Downs
These Ebbs and Flows
Spawned on me from countless lifetimes of expectations
Spawned onto you in my karmic resolve
I forgive me for the cracks within my shell.
 
I see my own infallibility…
Perfection…
Clouds and moods are part of me – the Sky
You may not like when I hide the Sun
But you love me on a warm Spring day.
 
I am the Farmer…
Always planting…
Reaping what I sow and sowing what I reap
Knowing this crop will create another
So I tenderly kiss the Hand that drops the seed.
 
This is my addiction…
These Ups and Downs
These Ebbs and Flows
The cycles of learning through experience
Which are as much a part of me
As I am of them.
 
I accept.
I deny.
I release.
I get attached.
I Love.
I fear.
I exist.
This is my addiction.