“We sense your fatigue. We see you are tired. What is going on?”
There are moments made just for who we are.
In my life, there seems to have always been so much “work”. Everything wonderful seems to come with some bonded belief that work must be part of the mix. We want, it’s time to work. We need, more work. We hurt. Guess what time it is? Yes, it’s time again to work.
Sometimes, I just don’t want to work anymore. I’ve been working on myself for so long I tend to forget the time when I could just play. I want to kiss you in the moment. I want to walk with you in another. I want to play in the rain, get muddy, and laugh until my sides hurt. I want to hear about your day, hug you until my arms grow tired.
I just, at times, want the work to end. For a little while, anyway. I don’t want to feel like the work I happen to do is my identity.
What is wrong with just waking up and playing, sending us off to our jobs with a certain ache and a great memory? Yeah…that’s the life.
“You got it! We’ve been leading you here. Don’t make the work your life! Make your life the work!”
Is there any more drudgery than the pain that comes right before the “work” needs to begin? Is there any reason for the pain other than the need for work? Why not just live fulfilled, find happiness, jump into love and bask in the glow of both your successes and your mistakes? Must we always eat a lemon before indulging in that sweet, fine chocolate?
“There are no mistakes save one. Not following your heart. Slavery to fear is the only mistake we make.”
Well, I’m not afraid. Find a sword that’s been tempered in hell and see if it fears the battles it was forged to endure. No, fear is not my issue. Not living is. Not squeezing every precious second out of this life, not loving in every fucking last moment.
“The present moment is gone before you even realize it’s here. Everything you perceive has already happened, it’s the past before you see it. The Sunrise is eight minutes old before you see it. That touch has already happened before your brain can sense it. Those goose bumps happen now as a result of something in the past, and both are creating something amazing for the future.
That kiss? Well it happened before you actually did it. You’ve thought about it a million times before it comes. When it comes, it’s already past. The present moment is always a mixture of the past and present creating a future.”
Exactly. I get it.
“Don’t get us wrong. You always need to prepare for a race, you can’t just show up at the starting line and think the event will be enjoyable. You really must prepare.
If you are running with someone, then train with them. Run with them. Swim with them. Dance with them. That way, when the going gets tough during the event, you already know how to lean on each other. Leaning on someone is an inevitability you are finally learning. Just don’t make it an addiction.”
How sweet. Needing someone, but only when you need them.
“How will I know when it is time to lean?”
“For now, it’s when you can’t breathe. Or when your proverbial leg cramps. Or when you feel faint. Learn to lean on someone you trust, and let them lean on you. Trust me, you’l know when you need to lean. The real trick is learning who to lean on.”
I laugh at the suggestion. There are some, but few, I’d feel that comfortable with and even fewer I believe have the desire to pull it off.
“We know what you are thinking. We get it.”
“Fucking being human. Why on earth would any higher being want to experience this nonsense?”
“Well, who said anything about earth? That’s for another time, just know that you have something here. Don’t take this stuff so seriously all of the time. If someone isn’t with you, well let them fall behind. If they want to, they will catch up. If they don’t, you just keep playing.”
I chuckle again.
“If something isn’t going your way, you have two options. One, you can leave it behind. Two, you can be patient. There is no wrong answer here. Everybody has a right to their happiness. The only part of the equation we can’t help you with is how long you are willing to wait for it.
That answer may not be the same for different experiences. Just trust your intuition. It’s never lied to you and never led you astray.”
“How do I know which situation demands which answer if my core has no answer?”
“Let us give you an example. Would you wait in a long line for a roller coaster you could not see but heard would be great?”
“Probably not.”
“Why not?”
“Because I wouldn’t even be sure there was a roller coaster there. I know there is a line, but people can be fickle. I want to live, not wait in line for something I don’t know exists.”
“There you have it. You’ve employed the lessons of your past together with your feelings of the present to formulate an intention for the future. Now, what do you do with that intention to live?
“I find a roller coaster that both feels fun and I can see exists.”
“YES! See, we come to a conclusion of this discussion with something wonderful. You can love so much, but it starts with you. Use what you know, what you feel, and what you’ve learned to set the table for a happy tomorrow. That will, in turn, make you happy today.”
“Interesting.”
“And one more thing, if we may. You need to redefine the ‘present moment’.”
“That’s a little presumptuous of me, isn’t it?”
“Ha! Now way. We’ve already shown the present moment as others have defined it for you just doesn’t exist. If it doesn’t exist, perhaps it is nothing more than snake oil sold to the masses.”
“Okay. Then how should it be defined?”
“The present moment should be redefined as the moment you were born until the moment you die. That way, when you live “for the moment” you are living for you life, taking the past into the present to create a future. This does not mean judging things by the past, it simply means understanding that you like roller coasters, but may not like the particular one you are getting on. However, in the knowledge that you like roller coasters, you can set an intention for the future to ride them. Then, you can save your money, take a trip, and ride them.
It’s like training for a race, using last week’s numbers to understand what you need to do on this run in order to accomplish what you want during the race. The past is not your enemy, and the future certainly does exist.”
“The future exists? That’s not what I’ve been taught.”
“It certainly does exist. However, it is so remarkable that it allows you to change it before it happens. The future that exists may have you living until you are 90, but is so well-intentioned that if you live unhealthily that it may change that outcome. Death doesn’t even change the future.”
“It doesn’t?”
“Of course not. It still exists, just not with you in it as you are now. Your potential, your dreams, all terminate with you death. The future does not. The only time the future does not exist is when the Universe no longer exists, just as the past did not exist before the Universe exploded into life. As long as life exists, so will the future.”
“Got it. That’s a lot to think about. I need to rest now.”