My Obituary, A Lesson on Meaningless Drivel

My Obituary


Thomas P. “Gyandeva” Grasso, whatever age, citizen of the world, passed away at his home, wherever that home may have been. He was surrounded by his loved ones, including several of those he had never met, while he was doing something he loved, and likely thinking about what the end was going to mean (since the end can never come). He was likely debating the pros and cons of death, and found himself to be, as always, right.

Tom was a world traveler, even though he rarely left the United States. He loved everyone, although everyone didn’t always return the favor. He tried, as he might, to ease the suffering of others whether through fire department work, EMS work, or simply reminding them how stupid they were being listening to the voices others had implanted into their heads. He once amassed some measure of wealth, and considered himself blessed when he lost it all. He considered his greatest failures successes of enormous magnitude, and found that his life began the moment he discovered he had nothing left to lose.

In lieu of flowers, Gyandeva requests that you take yourself (and no one else) out for a good healthy meal, followed by a pleasurable round of self-gratification (in whatever way you find your SELF gratified). If you have a partner, please exhibit public displays of affection in a way to make conservatives cringe, and then beat up a homeless person to make them happy again. Donations can be made to the charity of your choice, although most charities will take your money and do very little in return with it. Rather, perhaps putting your money in the burlap bag Tom wants to be buried in will do much more.

Funeral will be held in the woods somewhere, where he will be given back to the Nature that gave him life. He looks forward to becoming worm food and fertilizer. He also hopes that he travels far and wide in the intestines of some wolf somewhere, and then is neatly deposited in a nice little pile along some polluted stream. Please try to avoid stepping on Tom in this case, but if you do, please try to be respectful in your cursing and polite in scraping him off.

By the way, Tom wants to inform you that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, because there is no tunnel. Please stop focusing on the dark specs you see on the blanket of light, that’s probably wolf shit better left undisturbed. After all, wolves don’t like when you mess with their shit.

Peace out.

5 thoughts on “My Obituary, A Lesson on Meaningless Drivel”

  1. I love you Tom. I know there is no death but if you left this world you would surely be missed. Makin me cry… Again.

    1. Hopefully not too much. It would be wonderful if everyone I knew focused on the gain, and not the loss… 🙂

  2. All well said, love the humor.
    but did not like the reference to beating up a homeless person …
    maybe help , educate, intervene , But to Beat up…?

    1. It’s a metaphor for an ideology that suggests violence, in its many different forms, is a corrective action. Reread the sentence in that perspective! 🙂

Comments are closed.